


monochrome sunsets

by shejustwantstowrite



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, M/M, Minor Character Death, Non Traditional Soulmate AU, Soulmate AU, an itzy side pairing, soulmate au where the world has color when you meet your soulmate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27002746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shejustwantstowrite/pseuds/shejustwantstowrite
Summary: Soobin lets it happen. He takes comfort from Yeonjun’s gestures. Soobin knows that Yeonjun’s doing it because of his soulmate problem. But sometimes, he can’t help but wish that it was more than that. That Yeonjun’s doing all of those things not just to provide comfort, not just to be there for Soobin, but because hewantsto.Soobin feels ashamed of how many times he keeps his eyes closed in the mornings, when they fall asleep together. He feels ashamed of fervently wishing that when he opens his eyes, he will see Yeonjun in full color. He feels ashamed of wishing that destiny would change its mind and give him the person he wants.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 77





	monochrome sunsets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sweetelegy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetelegy/gifts).



> for caca, who's been waiting for this one for ages. thank u ily

The sunset is one of the most beautiful sights a person can see. Light and darkness battling for dominance, as the sun sets and the moon and the stars take its place. The hues of pink, red, orange, blue, purple blending in the sky like a beautiful symphony. Not that Soobin can actually know.

Soobin hasn’t seen the sunset in its full glory since he hasn’t met his soulmate yet. His mom said that it would take time, especially because he just turned eighteen. He will meet his soulmate soon, she said.

But that was two years ago.

At this point, looking at the sun setting over the horizon, all shades of grey and black and white, he’s sure that he will never meet his soulmate.

“Here’s your drink, Soobinie!” a familiar voice says, breaking his reverie. Soobin turns and sees Yeonjun, holding two cans of soda and some kimbap. He holds one of the cans out.

Soobin reaches for it with a mumbled thanks while Yeonjun settles down beside him. “You look deep in thought earlier, Soobinie. What were you thinking about?”

“Just. Thinking about the sunset,” Soobin says with a shrug.

“The sunset?”

“Yeah. The colors.” Soobin leaves it at that. He doesn’t want to explain it to Yeonjun, but he knows his hyung will understand. Yeonjun’s good at that.

Choi Yeonjun is a sophomore, a dance major, and his roommate. He’s older than Soobin but they’re in the same year. At first, he seemed intimidating and out of reach, with how everyone who meets him only has good words about him. About how good he is at dancing he wins awards for the university. About how his professors rave about him. It doesn’t help that gaggles of guys and girls follow him everywhere, but he doesn’t pay them mind aside from the occasional smiles and waves.

However, a few months of living and sharing some classes with him, Soobin finds out that he’s more than that. He’s funny, loud, caring, incredibly kind. Soobin sometimes wishes that Yeonjun’s his—

“Ah. That. Soulmate woes, huh?” Yeonjun replies. Soobin’s terrified that somehow Yeonjun read his mind, but he remembers the sunset. “Wanna watch the sunset with them?”

“I  _ wanted  _ to, but now, I’m not so sure.”

“Well,” Yeonjun shrugs, “you can do something else, for sure. It’s not the surroundings but the person, yadda yadda.”

Soobin shakes his head, a mirthless chuckle on his lips. “No, hyung. I don’t think I want to meet my soulmate. Not anymore.”

“Why not, Soobin?”

“I’m tired of waiting, Jun-hyung,” he says.

Yeonjun puts an arm around Soobin. “That’s okay, Soobinie. You have friends. You have your family. You have me. You don’t need to wait, if you don’t want to,” he replies with a soft smile.

Soobin leans on Yeonjun’s touch, savoring the warmth. That arm stays until they get back to their dorm.

—

Something changes after that day.

They cuddle on the sofa while watching TV more often. Yeonjun cooks them breakfast more often. Soobin receives more hugs and touches than before. They sleep in the same bed more often than not. Sometimes Yeonjun claims to be lonely on his own, or Soobin just falls asleep when they watch movies together, or when the dorm’s heater isn’t working well enough.

Soobin talks to him about it one day. “You don’t need to do all of those, hyung. But thank you.”

Yeonjun just ruffles his hair with a smile and says, “I know I don’t have to, but I want to. I told you that I’m here for you, remember?”

Soobin nods and smiles. They don’t talk about it again.

So Soobin lets it happen. He takes comfort from Yeonjun’s gestures. Soobin knows that Yeonjun’s doing it because of his soulmate problem. But sometimes, he can’t help but wish that it was more than that. That Yeonjun’s doing all of those things not just to provide comfort, not just to be there for Soobin, but because he  _ wants  _ to.

Soobin feels ashamed of how many times he keeps his eyes closed in the mornings, when they fall asleep together. He feels ashamed of fervently wishing that when he opens his eyes, he will see Yeonjun in full color. He feels ashamed of wishing that destiny would change its mind and give him the person he wants.

Soobin feels more terrible when people start misconstruing their relationship. His classmates compliment him on having Yeonjun as a boyfriend. He hears other students whisper “That’s Yeonjun-sunbae’s _ soulmate _ ” when he passes by. That particular comment never fails to make him flinch.

Even Beomgyu, Yeonjun’s closest friend, gets their relationship wrong.

“Soobin-hyung,” he suddenly whispers while they’re studying in the library.

“Beomgyu.”

“Take care of Jun-hyung, okay? He’s been through a lot the past two years. If you ever break his heart, you’ll answer to me,” the younger says seriously.

“What?” he replies. “Beomgyu, Jun-hyung and I aren’t together. Why do people always assume that?”

Beomgyu huffs at this. “I’ve known Yeonjun-hyung since high school, and I’ve never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you. If you’re not really in a relationship, then you better talk about whatever it is you’re doing, Soobin-hyung.”

Soobin hangs his head. “Yeah, I know. I will talk to him.”

They both go back to their books after that, but Soobin can’t focus anymore.

\--

Soobin sees Yeonjun outside the library, two cups of coffee in his hands. When he sees Soobin, Yeonjun perks up, waves, and approaches him.

“Coffee for you,” Yeonjun says, handing Soobin one of the cups. He takes a sip - his regular order.

“Thanks, hyung,” he replies. “What’s up? What’s with the coffee?”

“Nothing,” Yeonjun starts to reply when he sees Beomgyu. “Beomguy-yah!”

“Hey, hyung,” Beomgyu says when he reaches the two. “‘Sup?”

“Nothing. Just brought Soobin his coffee, I know studying makes him sleepy. Did you two study together?” Yeonjun answers.

“Yeah, we did,” Beomgyu confirms. He reaches into his pocket to check his phone. “I gotta go, bye, Jun-hyung, Soobin-hyung,” he says with a wave. He, of course, doesn’t turn back without pinning Soobin a stern gaze.

“What happened? What made him look like he swallowed a lemon?” Yeonjun asks.

“Ah, that might be my fault,” Soobin mutters.

“Why? What happened?”

“Uh, he thought we’re dating. Actually, many people think that. But don’t worry, I told them the truth. Sorry people were thinking that, hyung,” Soobin rumbles.

Yeonjun’s face goes through numerous expressions while Soobin speaks. His face settles on something unreadable.

“Let’s go home, Soobin-ah,” is all he says. They walk back to their dorm in tense silence.

Soobin goes into his room and puts his things down in his bed as soon as they arrive. He goes out and sees Yeonjun on the sofa, head in his hands.

Soobin feels awful. “Hyung, I’m really sorry.”

“No, Soobin,” Yeonjun says. “I should be the one saying sorry. I just made things more complicated, eh?” He smiles without a trace of mirth in it.

Soobin tries to speak, but Yeonjun stops him. “You were so sad that day, Soobin-ah. So I figured I can cheer you up a bit. Which is stupid, because I already have a crush on you.”

Soobin feels a swoop in his stomach when he hears that.

“Then it grew and grew,” Yeonjun continues. “I told myself I’d stop. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I know it’s wrong because someone - someone better is waiting for you. It’s wrong because I’m deceiving myself, you, and apparently other people. So after you told me that they think we’re together? The first thought that came to my head was ‘I wish it was true.’ I’m really sorry, Soobin. I don’t want to make things weird between us.”

Soobin remains silent for a moment, trying to digest what Yeonjun said. He knows exactly how Yeonjun feels—that mixture of happiness and shame and giddiness and regret. But he doesn’t know Yeonjun feels it, too. A lot of things don’t make sense.

“What about your soulmate, hyung?” is what comes out of his mouth after a long silence.

Yeonjun smiles another humorless smile. “I don’t have a soulmate. Not anymore.”

“I went to a concert two years ago. I went in with a black and white vision, but I got out seeing color. I knew when exactly it happened, but I couldn’t see who it was. The moshpit was crowded. I don’t know who my soulmate is. I tried and tried, but I never did. I never found out. One day, I started seeing black and white again.”

Yeonjun leans back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling as he speaks. “I was devastated. I skipped a year of school, didn’t get out of bed much, didn’t go out of the house. When I got into this university, I swore to myself that I won’t get attached to anyone else. Aside from Beomgyu, but he was there for me through everything. It worked until I met you.”

Yeonjun shakes his head. “I’m really sorry, Soobin-ah. I hope you’re not angry at me.”

Soobin is in no way angry at Yeonjun for what happened. It takes two to tango, after all. He sits beside Yeonjun. “I’m not mad, Jun-hyung. I’d be a hypocrite if I was. Because I like you, too, Yeonjun-hyung. I always catch myself wishing that you’re my soulmate. I know it’s wrong, that I should wait for my soulmate. But I can’t. I can’t stop it, hyung.” 

He looks at his hands to avoid seeing Yeonjun’s expression as he says, “Soobin-ah…”

Soobin takes a deep breath. “But I have to know, Yeonjun-hyung. Do you like me because of me, or—“   
  
“Do I only like you because I can have with you what I could have had with my soulmate? Good question,” Yeonjun laughs humorlessly. “I don’t fucking know, Soobin-ah. How about you? Do you like me because of me or because I’m the one available?”   
  
Soobin looks down. “I don’t know either, hyung,” he whispers.   
  
And it kills Soobin that he doesn’t.

They descend into a tense silence after that. Soon enough, Yeonjun gets off of the sofa. “I think it’s better if I stay with Beomgyu in the meantime,” he says.

Soobin stands at that. “Hyung, you don’t need to leave. I can leave,” he says.

“No, Soobin-ah. Beomgyu lives near enough. I know your family lives far from campus,” Yeonjun says. “I need space. You need space. I know I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from doing it all again if we still live together. And you need to think about… all of this. It’s unfair to both of us and to your soulmate if this keeps happening.”

Soobin rubs his face with his hands. “Yeah,” he says, facing Yeonjun. “You’re right. We need to figure this out away from each other. Just. Take care of yourself, okay? I—I’ll just be in my room.”

He doesn’t wait for Yeonjun to reply. When he comes out of his room after a while, Yeonjun and most of his things are gone.

—

Midterms and finals come and go without Yeonjun coming back to their dorm, or them talking to each other. Soobin sees his roommate around campus, but he doesn’t go near him. Yeonjun doesn’t approach him either.

Soobin knows that this is making huge waves in the campus’s gossip mill, but he doesn’t give a shit anymore. He doesn’t give a shit about most things these days.

He and Beomgyu still meet up to study, and then just hang out after their exams. But they do it in a café now, as people in the library tend to ogle Soobin. He is glad that he didn’t lose Beomgyu’s friendship because of what happened.

(He’s glad that he didn’t lose Beomgyu,  _ too. _ )

“How is he?” Soobin can’t help but ask.

“As fine as you are,” Beomgyu answers.

That doesn’t assure Soobin, because he doesn’t feel fine. He just stares at Beomgyu.

“What? I know you’re not. I know he’s not, so I won’t lie about that,” Beomgyu says with a shrug.

Soobin shakes his head. He tries to let it go, but he’s wondering about something.

“You know what happened to Yeonjun-hyung’s soulmate,” Soobin starts.

“Yeah, I do.”

“And whatever happened between us was… okay?”

Beomgyu shrugs again. “I told you then, hyung, that Jun-hyung has never looked at and cared for someone like  _ that  _ until you. And after all that happened to him, he deserves to be happy. Even if you’re both mopey right now, I know that you’d get your shit together, even if you settle into just friendship or you want it to be more. Well, I hope so,” he says.

“I hope so, too, Beomgyu-yah,” is all Soobin can reply.

After parting ways with Beomgyu, he takes the long way home so he could think.

Soobin remembers being excited to meet his soulmate ever since he was little. He remembers playing a million scenarios in his head. He fantasized about how he’ll meet his soulmate, the surroundings’ colors when it happens, the things they’ll do.

He remembers seeing soulmates very much in love around him growing up—his own parents, his aunts and uncles, couples on television and movies. He grows up believing that one can only achieve true love with your soulmate.

But as he grew older, the rose-colored glasses slowly fell away. Soulmates still disagree, fight, and make each other sad. Sometimes, it seems like fate got these people’s matches wrong.

Despite that, Soobin thinks, it must be comforting to know that there’s a person that’s meant just for you. 

But what if they aren’t actually suited for you? What if fate got it wrong? What if the one you want to be with for the rest of your life is no longer faceless, nameless? What if the person you think is meant for you’s already here, through the sea of blacks and whites and greys?

Soobin is tired of questioning and wondering.

With a heavy sigh, Soobin opens the door of the dorm. He jumps when he sees Yeonjun sitting on the sofa.

“Hyung,” he gasps. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” Yeonjun says with a sheepish smile.

The atmosphere turns awkward instantly. Soobin can’t help but remember their last conversation in this living room.

“Uh, what’s up? Did you forget something?” he asks to break the awkward silence.

“No,” Yeonjun says, “I just. Wanna talk to you.”

Ah.

“Okay, hyung. Let’s talk.”

“Can we, uh, go outside? It’s just that,” he says, looking around the dorm, “too many memories.”

Soobin’s heart seized at that. But he still nods. “Okay,” he says. “Let’s walk to Han River?”

“Sure.”

So they do. They walk in silence most of the walk, exchanging small talk when it becomes too awkward between them. Soon enough, they reach their destination.

Soobin looks at the horizon. It’s sunset again. He remembers their conversation from months ago—the conversation that started it all. Maybe it’s fitting that they’re talking here again, no matter what comes out of this talk.

They sit on a bench. Yeonjun clears his throat but doesn’t speak. They sit in silence for a long moment, so Soobin takes it upon himself to speak.

“I’ve thought about it,” he starts. “About everything.”

“So what’s the verdict?” Yeonjun asks, voice light yet his body tense.

“I’m not waiting for anyone anymore. Because the one I want’s already here. Brings me coffee everytime I study. Cuddles me on cold nights. Cries at romantic movies. Loves petting street cats. It’s you, Yeonjun-hyung,” Soobin answers. Yeonjun just gapes at him.

Soobin continues. “People always say that our lives will only really start when we meet our soulmates and see the world in full color. To which I say, nope. To hell with that. My life’s already complete because you’re in it. Just because I’m not seeing color doesn’t mean I’m not happy, or that caring for you is wrong.”

He feels Yeonjun reach for his hand. “You know what, someone said to me that my life is at its end when I lost my soulmate, which fucked me up big time. And made me feel guilty when I started falling for you.”

Soobin looks at Yeonjun, who’s smiling, even with tears gathering in his eyes. “But you’re right. Our lives are our own. Sure, we’re not soulmates. Heck, this might not even work in the long run. But all I know is that I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I let this—you—go.”

Soobin leans his head on Yeonjun’s shoulder. He squeezes Yeonjun’s hand, and he feels Yeonjun’s lips graze his hair. “So does that mean you’ll come back to the dorm?” he asks, peering at Yeonjun.

Yeonjun smiles and drops a kiss on his nose. “Yep. You won’t get rid of me anytime soon.”

“Good.”


End file.
